It’ s not always a cinch to spot a controlling relationship. If you ’ re in one, you probably feel smothered. If you have a friend you think is in one though, it ’s a much more difficult topic to broach. Here are 5 signs you can look for if you think you or someone you love is in a controlling relationship:
1. Needing to know your every move
Being in love and being protective and caring is one thing, but when a partner has to know your every action to the point where s/he becomes upset when not informed that becomes a problem. Whether you are dating or married the need to know your every move can become worrying. It’s not controlling to ask where you are going for the simple knowledge, but when it becomes like you are asking permission and needing to check in, that is control.
2. Becoming angry over contact with anyone else
Dating does not mean that you are only allowed to hang out with one person. You’ re still allowed to have friends, even of the opposite sex. If your partner does not have any friends of his or her own and expects that you will be there 24/7 it is important that you encourage him/her to find a group of friends for themselves. Unfortunately, if your partner cannot get over you hanging out or having contact with anyone else, it ’ s important to make him or her realize you won ’t be cutting anyone out.
3. Hovering when you are on the phone or computer
Do you find that your partner becomes suspicious when you are having an innocent conversation on the phone or on the computer via email or instant message? Does your partner hover around trying to see what you are talking about? These kind of actions are unreasonable and an invasion of your privacy. Dating someone doesn’t entitle them the contents of your conversations.
4. Emailing or calling numerous times a day
(even when you haven’t yet answered)
If your partner text, calls or emails you too much, it’ s important that you do not reply every single time. The act of emailing you constantly and expecting a reply is a form of control. To make sure you are always involved with them and they are up-to-date on your whereabouts. The more you cater to this behaviour, the worse it will get, but never blame yourself for the controlling actions of someone else. Just as they email you ten times, you can not email them ten times. It ’s important that you do not feel guilty for not replying, because your partners expectations are unreasonable.
A major part of control in a relationship is through manipulation. Usually a manipulation of feelings, for example making someone feel guilty even if they did not do anything wrong, to make them give in to another’ s wants. Some people are very good at manipulation. They know how to work the feelings of others to get exactly what they want. Oftentimes the person being manipulated realizes that is what ’s happening, but already feel a sense of guilt that they give in rather than having their partner get upset with them.
Controlling relationships are not healthy and not a sign of love. A controlling relationship is one that is unhealthy for both people, but especially the person being controlled.